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In the Beginning - A Fairy Tale

I'm cross-posting because you guys have been wayyy to quiet.  How are you guys doing?

A friend of mine suggested that I needed a fairy tale to set the stage of the world, so I wrote one.  It is now the introduction to the story.  BTW, I now have 43 or 44,000 words.

 

Aves meet Seth, Seth...Aves.

Preface: Avery has crash landed on Earth in the middle of nowhere. The planet is still volatile and inhospitable and he's been stumbling around in it for a good week only to nearly get himself run over by illegal racers. Seth would be one of those racers who comes back to inspect the oddity of a man wandering around outside the protection of the bubble cities and underground caverns. Mild hilarity ensues. I've cropped it or otherwise it would be around 2,000 words to read through.

   
This is the opening sequence for my novel, which is introducing characters playing in virtual reality. I tried to go with a fantasy scenario that used a lot of common fantasy elements and plot components - how did I do? Thoughts? Comments definitely welcome.


Exigence; Excerpt 2

I was going to post an excerpt of what my MC thinks, but I think it might bore you to death, so here is an interesting scene instead.

This one is about a page long.

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Tags:

Excerpt

Word Count: 726 [Not too long, I hope]
Summary: Part of the beginning of the novel that sets up the dilemma for the opening part.
Character Focus: Troy Avery, main protagonist.

Critiques are fine so long as they aren't focused on grammar. This is NaNo so I've not given too much consideration to grammar so long as the sentence still makes sense.

One thing I'd like to know is:
  1. Is the action easy to follow/interesting?
  2. As far a dialogue goes, is there a good feel for personality there? [I do know it's limited in this excerpt]

Excerpt Posting Stuff

I'd like to welcome anyone who feels comfortable with sharing to post their excerpts.

  • As stated in the little rules section you MUST [pretty please] make it a LJ cut unless it's going to be just a small paragraph or two. It keeps things nice and neat.
  • Not everyone wants to be critiqued. If you want to have people scrutinize your excerpts put a little note in there saying as much. That way anyone without the note we can assume just wants general comments and opinions without the criticism. If you are going to critique those who wished to be critiqued I ask that you make it constructive criticism. I doubt any of you will post harassing messages and if any do get posted I'll delete them.
  • Try to keep the excerpt posting to a reasonable level. For instance, try posting maybe once or twice a week with your long excerpts and not once a day with short parts of one. This way we don't get 1,000's of excerpt posts. Remember: Nice and Neat are your friends.
Other than that, have at it. I'd really like to read what other people are putting out there.

Plot Halted?

I have hit a tough spot in my story and have thought of a way to work around it and keep it incorporated. I would just like some feedback before I write the pieces to connect it.

I only have two main characters and one enemy who recently showed her/itself to me. My main characters, as it stands right now, are dead. One of them was killed by a nano-built android, who has been shaping up to be the main enemy. The other was shot and killed point blank with a particle rifle. This leaves me with no 'good' characters left.

At this point in the story an 'extermination squad' has come down before the invasion and has been hunting my main characters with no known reason why. Since they are dead, and the squad hasn't found them, I was thinking of having the story follow the squad leader until I find a way to introduce another 'good' character (or perhaps he will become a good one later on?). I know that leapfrogging characters like this makes it real hard for keeping the story straight.

There is another possibility that I can run with, and it is that my main character really didn't die (the one who was killed by the android), but had instead thought it up and convinced himself he had really died. He is mentally unstable and there is no real clear distinguishing factors between his 'real life living' and the one where he is trapped in inpenetrable darkness.

Of course, I could also harness both for something entirely different. Which way do you think would be most interesting? I'm only asking purely for input, and by the time I come back and read here, I may have already found out how to work through this.

Thank you for your time!

First Post, Huzzah

Welcome!

If you're here for the free punch and soda it's in the back. At any rate, this is the place to share our Sci-Fi NaNo endeavors. Post excerpts to be read by the community, post questions you might have, rant about NaNo madness and the disease of the lead fingers, and enjoy the company of other like-minded authors.

Since another community is doing this and it saved space I am going to do it too. PLEASE POST ALL INTRODUCTIONS HERE AS COMMENTS. I do not want to have this place flooded with intro posts simply because it will push all other posts down and slow things down. I do want to get to know you so I highly encourage a post about yourself. This will also serve as a handy location to come and look up members.

Welcome once again.